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To be an HIV sexuality, frustrated woman during COVID-19

 This year was supposed to be a year, of party's and hot get a way's ( hey I'm 35) and the in the decade of U=U undetectable equals untransmittable equals (meaning someone with an undetectable HIV viral load, can be in a sexual relationship, and not pass HIV unto their partner).

but due to COVID-19, and racial issues, the summer of 2020 changed my whole world, as well, as the World's.

The fact my saving was drained, in a couple months, let me know, I was A) not prepared for a national diester. Meaning very few trip, especially due, to the fact my speaking has slowed down.  ( I don't feel too alone, as million of Americans, are in the same boat, as myself). Praying things get better for all.

    The reality of the fact, that I'm super single is a real thing, and that reality hit no harder than this pandemic.  During this time, I've. come to realize how isolated, and alone not only myself, yet so many people are. Being a single woman, I'm use to living 89% of my time alone. 

When COVID-19 hit, somehow, there was period's, I was spending 100% of my time alone.  It's different, if you are a person, who stays to themselves but are somewhat active. Certain social activities, you can be around people, and get the attention, or support you need, which can be fulling, especially volunteer work. Return home, and feel ok, and content.  It lightens the load of hours of isolation. Now during COVID-19 there is an overwhelming isolation that burdens one, and the anxiety is beyond bearable at times. I'm not sure when the overwhelming desire for sex started, maybe it's the idea/fear of  of a changing realization. 

  Attending events, slim, to none. Making one think, they'll never getting the chance, to meet that special guy. Who's chemistry will throw me off  my game. The need, and desire is beyond overwhelming, and has taken front ownership, of my thoughts process, and body. I can only image, all of the single women, who's dating had to slow down during COVID-19.

I wonder about those women, and how they are managing during this time.  

Women are in their prime, and ready for love. To be but on confinement and isolated, can and will drive a woman crazy. This only leaves the question, what will our dating life consist of now?

Worrying about a man, who believes in wearing a mask, or dating a free spirit who doesn't but can put your life at risk, the risk the lives of your love ones. Depending on dating apps/ social media forms?

I for one, have a hard time making a connection via the internet. 

As much as we've been trying to rebel change, it seems we have no choice but to confirm to the best of our ability's.  

To be HIV positive when things were looking up, let's be honest, very few care about dating someone who is HIV positive, now HIV positive people have something else to fear, again. And that is you!

Our immune systems are already weak, and can be compromised. I remember a time when people, wanted to go extra hard, in saying they were HIV negative. Now everyone is quick to say they don't have the Rona. Oh how times have changed. 

I really believed 2020 was the year I would meet the man, of my dreams, get married, and have a baby. Well that hasn't happened.  And while the whole world wants us to just stop. We will go on, figure it out, and live our best lives, under the best visions of yourself we can be.

-Hydeia Broadbent

1 comment:

  1. Tell me about it Chika...its a bummer...Hydeiaaaaa .... i remember watching you on tv.. your 35 now.. thats awesome.. im 40.. let me tell you.. sex is overrated.. but... I know what you feeling.. ive been abstaining from all personal intimacy.. i wanted my childhood innocence to return. You know like what life was like before competing for another persons love attention and and body.. life is so much simpler when you realize you are all you need. Friendship is important but not if it costs you?.. and whats more valuable to self other than self ... Nothing is... outside ofself nothing is... The life of sexuality is hideous.. filled with uncertainty, pain, insecurity and regret. Or at least that's all i really got from it, and trust i have done an extended evaluation of self. Sexual intercourse should be treated as a sacred act.. people should clean up themselves mentally spiritually emotionally and physically.. especially if they want to be with such a pure woman such as yourself. You are priceless, brilliant ..radiant... Amazing.. magnificent.. intelligent ..compassionate.. you ARE AN INSPIRATION HYDEIA. Remain protected.. protect your heart.. protect your mind.. protect your love beautiful..